“The problem, Lucy, has never been your ability to put other
people first, it has been your complete inability to put yourself first.” from The
Time of My Life by Cecilia Ahern
You can find it on page 307 of the book. There are several
statements I could quote from the book, which by the way I could relate to, but
this one makes me so really relate. A special someone, uhm, I mean a former
special someone told me to love myself more, to put myself first before the
others. My reply to him was, “I am happy with what I am doing. I feel guilty if
I put myself first before the others, specifically, before my family.” I took
his words literally, putting myself before the others, how could that be possible, they need me. Okay, stupid me, or should
I blame it to my ability of thinking too much and analyzing statement word per
word. Thanks to my slow processing of words when it comes to this kind of
statement which is contrary to my being impulsive, or not really?
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| "What do you dream about, Lucy?" |
Well, Lucy, the protagonist in the 486-page book The Time of My Life
seems to live with lies. Before you judge her, or my words, she lies because
she has to hide things from others, well obviously you know and I know that
is the reason. The lying starts when her 5-year relationship with Blake ends.
Everybody knows Lucy is the one who breaks up with him; some of their common
friends think she cheated on him. It is actually Blake’s idea to tell to anyone
that she is the one who called it off, and she just allows it, but not on the cheating part. It is not her who left him; Blake is the one who dumped her, sorry for the word, but yes he dumped her. He suggests it if Lucy is not comfortable telling others that he left her. The reason why Blake broke up with her is also the one I have to find out because I just put my bookmark on page 313 as of writing this.
Okay, it is better if you buy the book and read it yourself
to understand the whole story. It actually makes me laugh and relates to some parts to which
by the way made me emotional at times (pathetic me, haha), and gives me hope at
the same time. It helps me fully understand what does putting myself first before
the others and loving myself more mean. It means to pursue my dreams and not
depend them on others. It also means to take care of myself and believe in my
abilities (which means I'm bringing back self-esteem and self-confidence after I lost it for more than a year). Most importantly, it shows me my way to “life”, my own life. It may
be a book or a story, or maybe I am just being emotional; however, the truth is
in almost 3 months of realization after the one of the most devastated events
in my life I finally come to my senses. I finally understand why things went
wrong: I forgot that I have my own life to control to. That is why when I came
across the statement I quoted in the beginning of this post I know it is
exactly the answer I am looking for.
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Cheers,
Prudence Charlz