marriage

To get married or not

10:38 PM

After my first, long-time relationship, it left me single for almost 1 year and 4 months now and still counting. The first month was really hard because I thought I could still bring him back into my life until I found out the truth that he was falling in love with another woman even before he broke up with me. Just for the record, he’s not what you think a cheater and an a**hole. We had wonderful 5 years of memories I could cherish forever but I chose not to treasure it so I can completely move on and get over him. He took care of me and loved me; however, things just fell apart.

I admit I love him so much that after I learned about his new relationship I had to step back and to let him go and just grieve all by myself. I tried to accept his offer of friendship but I just couldn’t stand knowing him moving on and seeing happy with his new girl. Hey, I don’t want to torture myself, hahaha! So I let him live his life without me around and sniffing. Then, they broke up after their officially two months of relationship. After more than 6 months since he broke my heart, he called me. I thought it was the start of patching things up. I thought it was the beginning of our new chapter together again. I was wrong because a new girl stepped between us. It wasn’t her fault; she just came in time when my ex was healing. After my ex once again admitted to me he was eyeing a new girl, I had to let his hand go with her.

After learning that they are officially in a relationship, I never hope for getting back together. I have to finally wake up that it only happens in the movie. I feel that he will marry her and that he already sets his future with her. So, I helped myself to go on with my life after a month they announced to the world they are in love.

Enough with my drama

Right now, I’m happy being single. Before he came into my life I was already prepared embracing singlehood. I felt that I better be alone and find my purpose in life until I met him. When he left me, I wished I could replace him but then I just couldn’t, thinking that it would be unfair with the rebound guy. I forgot at that time of grieving that I once aiming the life of singlehood.

It is now clear to me that I’m okay being single forever. I only have two different dreams since before I reach my teenage year that either of them I want to fulfill: being single or marry the first guy to whom I give my whole heart. Unfortunately, the second one is now impossible to achieve but the first one is easy to hold in my hand. It is my choice anyway.

Many won’t like it and may interpret it as coward act. However, it won’t matter what they think or feel about it because what matters is what makes me complete and happy. There’s nothing wrong being single forever and it’s all right to get married. They can both bring happiness and accomplishment. I may grow old alone and may not have someone beside me to take care of me when I can’t walk anymore but it’s all right. I don’t want to get marry because I need someone or children to take care of me at old age; I don’t want to be a burden to anyone. In case I would get marry, my reason would be because I want to be with the man I love for the rest of my life and to see my child or children growing and living their life happily. It is my reason however with the man I already pictured this with. Unfortunately, it won’t happen because like I said he chose another path and chose another girl with whom he sees himself with for the rest of his life.

I’m confident that I’ll be happy with the path I’m walking right now because I chose to. It’s all right; I’m not worried. But of course I'm not saying it's final because I'm aware of changes that may happen in my life. However, right now I just enjoy my life as a single without having to look for love. Although I chose this path, I know the current may bring me to another shore to face new challenges that would lead me to new decisions.


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2 comments

  1. These are not events that are planned. These things happen and each day is a new beginning of life.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Catherine,

    Thanks for your comment.

    Yes, well said. :) As much as we plan things in our life as smoothly as we want, we can't be so sure if they will happen according to what we hope and expect.

    ReplyDelete

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Prudence Charlz

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